The holiday season is a time that there may be heightened conflict and disagreements in couples due to increased pressures in areas that couples often fight about (i.e. finances, family, household labour, boundaries. etc). As a couples counsellor, I have some tips to help prepare, and weather this season in an easier way.
1. Initiate a conversation early and discuss expectations as well as needs/wants for the holiday season. Get ahead of the pieces that are normally points of conflict and make your needs known. When we can set expectations and discuss them, it is more likely that they will be met.
2. Create your own new holiday tradition – when we are trying to integrate rituals of connection into our daily, weekly, and monthly lives this is a key time to carve out time to connect. Maybe it’s having hot chocolate together and enjoying a Hallmark movie, or going skating. These traditions allow you to connect and find joy in the season.
3. Approach the season and challenges as a team. A team sees the problem and works together to solve it. This positions you as a cohesive powerhouse that has twice the ability to address concerns and problem solve.
4. What can you let go. This might be personally or as a couple. Is it a gift for an extended family member, or the obligation to bring three dishes to a family dinner that you need to let go? Or is it an expectation that the season will be perfect. Sometimes we hold on to these pieces when it would be the easiest thing to let go.
5. How can I help or support my partner in this season? I feel especially good, when I get ahead of and can do something to make my partners life easier. So, it might be doing something in the household that they are usually responsible for, or taking care of a dreaded task.
6. Practice saying “yes” when someone offers to help. We can feel like it is imposing, or that we “should” say no. However, if someone offers and you can use the help then lets help each other out and focus on community.
The holiday season can be tough to navigate. With obligations, world events, and what is going on in our own families and spaces, it can feel big, anxious, stressful, and scary to face the next month. If we keep in mind our values, and what is most important to us, we can weather the storm of this season. I wish you the best in navigating the season, and if you need support in your relationships or personally book in for support with me or one of the other counsellors at Breland Counselling.
– Ivy Armstrong, Couples & Relationship Counsellor
